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This is all in good fun, but so true….. Pet vs Show Dogs

Pet dogs versus show dogs…

 Pet dogs shed ………… …… Show dogs blow coat.

Pet dogs are in heat ……… Show dogs come into season.

Pet dogs trot ………… …….. Show dogs gait or move.

Pet dogs stand ………… …. Show dogs stack.

Pet dogs get a bath ……… Show dogs are groomed.

Pet dogs beg for treats …. Show dogs bait.

Pet dogs poop ………… …. Show dogs toilet or eliminate.

Pet dogs bark at other dogs ….. Show dogs spar.



Dog Show Definitions. .. 

1. Great stud dog ………… … Mounts anything that can fog a mirror.

2. Excels in movement …….If he gets loose, runs like hell.

3. Personality Plus ………… Wakes up if you put liver up his nose.

4. Good bite ………… ……… . Missed the judge, got the steward.

5. Large boned …………. Looks like a Clydesdale.

6. Good obedience prospect …Smart enough to come in from the rain, but ugly.

7. Quiet and good natured ….. In his kennel.

8. Excels in type and style ….. However, moves like a spider on speed”.

9. Won in stiff competition ….. Beat four puppies and a 9 year old novice dog.

10. Multiple group winner ….. At two puppy matches.

11. Pointed ……………… His head is shaped like a carrot.

12. Noted Judge …………. He put up our dog.

13. Respected Judge ……He put up our dog twice.

14. Esteemed Judge …… He puts up anything that crawls.

15. Specialty Judge ……. Puts up anything that looks like his own breeding!

16. Won in heavy competition …..The other dogs were revoltingly overweight.

17. Shown sparingly ………..Only when we had it in the bag.

18. Show Prospect ………… He has 4 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 tail.

19. Finished in 5 shows ….. And 89 where he failed to win a ribbon.

20. Well Balanced ………… .. Straight as a stick, front and rear.

21. Handled brilliantly by _____ …. Nobody else can get near him.

22. At stud to “approved” bitches …… Those bitches whose owner’s check is good.

23. Linebred from famous champions…… Ch. Whoozitz appears twice 6th generation.

24. Terrific brood bitch …… Her conformation is the pits, but she conceives big litters.

25. Wins another Best In Show … His second, under the same judge, our uncle.


DogShowaholics Anonymous… Good Afternoon. I am a DOGAHOLIC. I would like to welcome all of you to this month’s meeting of “Dogaholics Anonymous”. Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK, and that you really don’t need any help.

It is not easy to admit that you are a Dogaholic, and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help. DA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to three or more of the following questions, you have come to the right place.

* Can you say “BITCH” in public without blushing?

* Do you drive a station wagon, van, RV or 4×4 when everyone else drives a real car?

* Do you have more than one car? One for you, and one for the dogs?

* Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties, and seminars, when everyone else goes on a cruise?

* If you do go overseas, is it

London in March to attend Crufts, or  Finland in June to attend the World Dog Show?
* Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?

* Do you consider formal wear to be =2 0 clean jeans, and freshly washed tennis shoes?

* Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?

* Was your furniture and carpets chosen to match your dogs?

* Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?

* Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, UDX, TD, TDX, HIC, JH, SH, MH, OTCH, CH, AJ, AJX, MACH, FD, VST, FTCH, WC, FC, OAJ, NGDC and AFC?

* Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines, show photos and premium lists?

* Do you get up before dawn to go to training classes, dog shows and seminars…but have trouble getting up for work?

* If you have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain freeze-dried liver, Rollover, clickers, or squeaky toys?

* When you meet a new person, do you always ask them what kind of dog they have… and do you pity them if they don’t have one?

* Do you remember the name of their dog before you remember their name?

* Do you to find non-dog people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope. If you answered YES to two of the above, you are in serious trouble.

If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to the right place.

Unknown Author

A guy is driving around Oklahoma and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff.”

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